For those that don't know, I went to DC for an interview. It turned out to be meeting with four different people for 45 minutes each.
I felt like it went really well. The people seemed to like me. I can really imagine working there in that position knowing more about their projects and the work environment. I've got the background, the enthusiasm, I'm no dummy. One of them graduated from Notre Dame and makes no secret of his desire to get other Domers into that division of the company. Sitting there, talking to these people, that was all really non-stressful. It was oddly exhausting, but it wasn't intimidating. I sent off my thank you emails, and now the stress starts because I just have to wait.
Wait to hear from the recruiter lady who has an office probably in Minnesota. This is a weird division of a company run by a larger firm/conglomerate. HR is based with the conglomerate. Just setting up the interview was a string of complications. An email got lost (apparently this still happens), they switched the date (as I was driving), and just needless stress and confusion.
So, as if waiting to hear weren't stressful enough, I'm afraid an email will get lost or something similarly absurd. Also, my phone is on the fritz, so that doesn't help.
This is the terrifying part. I hate feeling like there's not anything I can do, but maybe there is something I should do that I'm missing! I don't even know when I'm supposed to hear back. The ND grad walked me out and said they'd meet and talk, then they'd talk to HR who would contact me "about the next step."
I'm stuck in this strange feeling. I don't want to get a rejection back, but I do want to know. Any moment could bring an email or phone call that either starts my career off or crushes me. It's exciting, but it's painful. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I don't want to get down over nothing either.
I have to keep looking for and applying for other things too. I have to keep waitressing. I have to keep waiting to know if I can stop soon.
The worst is the fear that they won't want me. If they don't want me, who will? I've got an enthusiastic alum, I have enlisted the help of someone else in the company, I finally made it to an intense interview step and it all seemed to go well. If I face a rejection with all this, it'll be harder to believe I can get anything else.
I know they say not to take job rejections personally. I know they say it just isn't a good fit, etc, a better fit will come along and you'll get that one. But my desperation is born of wanting this job more than wanting a job. Or at least it's added. Please pick me. I'll do such a good job. Please pick me soon.
I'm going to go try and not think about it.