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Jul. 18th, 2011 @ 11:09 pm Community
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Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Best Coast - The End | Powered by Last.fm
DC is a terrible place. My big brother tried to warn me. Unfortunately I didn't take him very seriously since he mostly griped about gun laws and proclaimed it a "liar" city.

He's been using "liar" as an adjective for over a decade, and I still couldn't really figure out what a liar city was, but now I know. It's a city that exists because someone picked a spot on a map. It's a city with very few natives. It's a city that doesn't even have transplants because they don't stay. It's a city that's full of culture without any of it being distinct to that city. (Except go-go music and Mambo sauce)

It's a city where the cost of living is absurdly high and the traffic is needlessly terrible.

The really sad thing is I was so convinced this was a good place for me to move. This was the place with jobs for me. I've gotten a much better handle on what I want and need, where I fit, and it turns out that's not here. Yes, I can get jobs here. I could probably get a job I like more, move closer into the city. These would make things better. It'd just be temporary though.

I do like being connected to the non-profit world. I do like the idea that somewhere what I do apparently helps someone (I hear clients and grantees say so, but I don't believe it). But I really don't think me fiddling with websites is the best I can do for the world. DC and the DC area are all about the national, sometimes the international. That's how DC gets lost, and I feel lost in it.

I don't want to just live in a city, I want to be part of a community. Those are the best organizations and non-profits or even businesses for me, ones that are intertwined with where they are. With more clarity and less desperation maybe I could've figured this out. Whoops. I would very much like to work for somewhere rooted in a community. DC has all kinds of museums, non-profits, organizations, but they're focused on the big picture. There must also be locally focused ones, but I don't want to stay here.

Just the clueless little girl from the Midwest who didn't understand the idea that there could be a liar city.

Anyway, DC is still a pretty okay place to visit. So, less moping, more visiting and exploring. That's the goal. All this other stuff, it's not an excuse to be a sad sack, it's actually shaping into helping me look for something better instead of just knowing I haven't found it yet.
Some days I still just need to kick myself and remember that. Thank you for your patience when I don't have much to say. Thanks for being there, I know I'm not the only one that's tired or dealing with wishing they were somewhere else or life were different. I wish us all luck.
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From:blackeyedsu713
Date:August 1st, 2011 02:10 am (UTC)
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I hope everything turns out OK!!
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From:marzipanbaklava
Date:August 30th, 2011 02:14 am (UTC)
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I think it's normal to screw something up in order to find out where you're happier being. God knows I've done it…many times. It's not a failure, it's just part of life. But you know that, of course.

Thinking about you
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